Is happiness a choice? I’ve been confronted with this dilemma this morning in particular, but this week in general. I don’t mean the exertion of effort to put a smile on my face, but the happiness that causes a smile to be worn. 
Is that latter happiness attainable by choice? Can I look at my day, recognize my circumstances, and choose to be happy? What if I don’t feel happy? Can I, through choice, actually change how I feel which will result in a smile being worn in genuine joy, and not simply through a choice not to allow others to see what is really being felt?
Time for confessions. Yesterday was a pretty rough day. One of those days when you feel like an absolute failure even though common sense tells you you’re not, and simply by looking at your life you can prove to yourself that you’re not a failure, but yet for some reason you still feel that way – like something is missing but you don’t know what, or that the world is about to crash on your head and you can’t tell when or why or stop it. Yeah, it was one of those strange days.
I woke up this morning feeling almost exactly the same. Then I got a late start on my day because the person I was carpooling with didn’t show up till after our scheduled departure date (which on a normal day doens’t really matter, but when you’re off-kilter already it does for some reason). Then, once we hit the freeway my car decided that it didn’t want to work in any other gear other than first, so we drove 25 miles an hour all the way to church. Not like I made anyone angry with me or anything (since it was my intentional choice to be driving 25mph on the highway with my emergency flashers on of course). At one point this blonde lady with too much make up pulled up behind me in her yellow HummerH3 – like right up on my tail (close enough I could see how much makeup she was wearing through my rear-view mirror) and started cussing me out and freaking out. Really?! We’re in the far right lane! It’s called the slow lane for a reason. You’d think if you saw a car going 25mph on the freeway and you were in a hurry you’d go around – but no! Not for a full 2 minutes of motioning with her hands for me to drive on the shoulder (which I’m fairly certain is illegal) and swearing at me with just about every word known in English – and maybe some in another language too. Maybe I shouldn’t have been looking in my rearview mirror. Maybe she should have more compassion for those who aren’t able to drop $50,000 on a car that is significantly overpriced. Maybe I should have more compassion on her. Anyway.
Finally we got to work where my office was a pleasant 41 degrees. Beautiful. I love the cold. Not. So here I sit wondering if happiness is a choice. My wife tells me it is. My heart tells me it is. I’m pretty sure the spirit of God is nudging me that it is. But maybe I don’t want it to be! Ever have those days? Those days where for some reason it is easier, more pleasant (only for me of course) to be grumpy and pissed off at the world than to take the time to choose to be happy.
I always tell my students, “how you feel does not dictate what you do.” I’m pretty sure how I feel right now is dictating what I’m doing.
But if happiness is a choice, then how do I choose it? Maybe I just take a moment and observe the absurdity of my day. Maybe I pause for a moment and invite Jesus to be part of my day (not that he hasn’t been here the whole time, but I’m pretty sure I’ve kept him for entering my mind and heart this morning). Maybe I take a second and think of the incredible love that I have been shown in the past week. Perhaps I stop to think of all the people who I care about and who genuinely care about me. Maybe I consider for a brief moment in time the incredible sacrifice my Savior gave for my sake – how he loved me enough to live a life that demonstrated how to live in unity with God, how he loved me enough to be beaten and broken for me, how he loved me enough to give up his life (a good life, full of friendship and incredible stories), and how he loved me enough to defeat death that I may find and claim victory in His name and be filled with His Spirit through which I can overcome all things.
Maybe when I stop and consider all of this I can set aside my frustration at the disappointment of the past few days and place myself in the grace of my Savior and welcome him back into his place in my life. Maybe that is the choice to be happy. Truly I cannot be happy on my own, outside of the Spirit of God dwelling within me. Truly I cannot pick my attitude up by its boot-straps and have a smile be anything more than a painting over a cracked canvas.
But truly in the presence of God there is grace even for me. Surely in the presence of God there is hope that overcomes sorrow, hope that overcomes frustration, hope that overcomes shame and doubt. It is in that hope, the hope that God can use me yet, that who I have been is not who I am is not who I will be, hope that God is in the process of saving me through his grace and power. Maybe in that hope is happiness. Maybe by choosing to reach out and take hold of that hope it is possible for me to reach out and take hold of happiness for this day, for this moment, for this life.
Maybe I will try it. I feel peace rising up in me already. Maybe I can start my day here. Right here, right now, with Jesus, with hope, maybe even with happiness.