We are always incredibly appreciative of the thoughts and insights of others in our lives. There are times we write about issues upon which we are far less than authorities (parenting, for example). Sometimes we are blessed to receive thoughts and insights from those far more appropriately recognized as authorities on the subject. We wrote last week about the struggle between protecting our own children and engaging the world around them. A good friend of ours, Cindy Locke, wrote a response that we received her permission to share with you here. We think that this topic warrents further discussion, so here are some more thoughts!
As a parent I have wrestled with the same issues of exposing our kids to the “sin, pain,etc.” that is in this world versus protecting them and shielding them from all the uglies this world has to offer. Raising kids in a happy, clean, safe world and protecting them from the outside is a tempting way to go. However, I don’t think kids will be prepared to go out in the real world and deal with it if that is the way they are raised. I also think that it is dangerous to expect kids, teenagers to be able to handle being exposed to things like drug use/ sex and addiction, mental illness, violence, etc. without having a strong parent or adult to walk alongside them as they reach out to hurt people. I think a lot of times parents allow their kids/teens into situations that they are not ready to be able to handle. Every child/teen is different, each has a different level of inner strength. Some are leaders and not easily swayed, others are followers and can be sucked into unhealthy behaviors much easier. “Good” parents are those that are in tune with their children and know who can handle which situation. For our family bringing hurt people into our house has been an ongoing ministry. Personally I feel much safer having hurt people stay with us and have our whole family ministering (loving on them) than having our kids going elsewhere to reach out. Besides foster kids we have had many adults live with us (usually when we don’t have foster kids). We’ve had pregnant teens and women, a woman who was in prison and granted clemency to die outside of prison with liver cancer, a women with severe post partum psychosis who was in and out of inpatient psychiatric unit, persons with addiction issues who have suffered every type of abuse, we’ve had three people die in our house from terminal illnesses. Each person that stayed with us got to be loved by an entire family and our family got to learn how to love and be loved by all sorts of people with all sorts of pain. I haven’t had to worry about if our kids will be pulled into drug use/addiction, teen sex/pregnancy etc., Our kids have got to see the other side, not the glamorized side of sin. They also got to walk though extreme life situations with a family who is very present and they know how to cry out to God. I hope that in the end it has made the kids much stronger in their faith and in their love for people. In your blog you talk about balancing protecting versus making a impact in our world. It is possible to do both as long as the family is right by their child’s side as they reach out. If not much damage can come. I understand why a parent wouldn’t want their son hanging out with another teenager who is actively smoking pot but I also see how that family (not just the teenager) could reach out to that teen and make a huge impact on his world. It does all come down to the family not just the teen to be able to avoid some of the potential pitfalls.
There you have it. Thank you Cindy for your encouragement to us to move from a mindset of “protection” to one of wise engagement!