“Hey Brian?”
“Yes, Cassandra?”
“Last year Kevin hit me.”
“Did it happen today?”
“No.”
“Then Cassandra, if it didn’t happen just now you don’t need to tell me about it!”
That’s a pretty standard conversation with Cassandra, a self-proclaimed “little girl” (usually to the end that she solicits my help building LEGO structures that she could very readily make herself), and community tattle-tale. It’s one of the interesting dynamics that occur as we watch the numerous different children play on our patio. It’s so much fun to sit on our couch chatting with Michelle and watch the kids playing – not always with us, but in a safe, interactive context that our home facilitates. It’s hilarious to learn that the younger kids’ understanding of “sharing” has much more to do with others not taking the lego piece they wanted, so Kevin exclaiming, Brian, (fill in the name)’s not sharing! is almost followed by, Kevin, are you sharing? Cause that’s all I need to know!
I had an opportunity last week to share some stories of what has been occurring here at The Bluffs with some new friends I met at camp. After telling of the many kids that hang out at our house (usually the same 20 or so kids, but every day there is someone new, so the interaction is far greater – maybe closer to 60 or 80 kids we’ve interacted with at our house), my friend exclaimed, That sounds like so much work! I didn’t even know how to respond at first. Lots of work? Hard work? I guess I’d never really thought about it. When I tell the stories, I think people get the impression that what we do at The Bluffs is what we do for our job, for the focus of our lives. It’s not. Michelle and I both work other full-time jobs. What we do at The Bluffs is simply what we do when we are home. So, is it lots of work? Actually, no, I don’t think it is. I tried to explain the simplicity of what we do. We choose not to have anything in our house that we’re not ok with someone stealing or breaking, because it allows us to simply open our doors and not worry about who is coming in. We choose to facilitate a space where kids can play together – this absolutely does not mean that we play with them all the time. I probably only play legos once a week, but the kids are there every day.
I think my friend’s paradigm is unfortunately common. I think that many people look at what we do and think the same thing: it’s a lot of work. That thought is a thought of fear, of bondage, not of freedom. And it’s not even true! I began to question why that is the standard reaction, and that question led me to the greater question of what does it mean to build community? We use words like “intentional community” or “missional living”, both wonderful terms, but both terms laced with what sounds like a lot of work. You have to be intentional to build intentional community. Does intentional=lots of hours? Not necessarily. Let me explain what I mean by living missionally, by living intentionally in our communities.
A couple days ago I went to pick up a couch that we had used at camp and Michelle and I are “storing” permanently in our home. I had borrowed a truck (thank you John and Amy!), but needed a hand to get the couch. So I knocked on my neighbor Cory’s door. Cory is about my age, and we’ve had a few conversations. I asked him if he could spare twenty minutes to give me a hand, and he kindly obliged. The couch ended up not being where we thought it was, so the trip was a seeming waste of time, but the twenty minutes in the truck with Cory built friendship. We talked about life. He shared his frustration at being caught in the position that no matter how much he wants to live life with a purpose, everything he tries gets slammed back in his face. He’s got a rough past, but is trying to get things together, he just never seems to get any help. He finally got a job painting and cleaning apartments only to work for two weeks and get paid one day’s worth of wages. What’s he suppose to do? He actually is trying, but the world keeps slapping him in the face. So we didn’t get the couch, but we did experience some intentional community. What did I do? I invited Cory to share part of my life. The relationship I had with Cory before I invited him was not on the “it’s-now-ok-for-me-to-ask-you-for-favors” level, but I didn’t care, I invited him to that level of friendship anyway – and now we are on that level. That’s intentional community.
Later that evening, after the unsuccessful, but very valuable, trip to get my couch, I went to return the truck to John and Amy. As I walked out of my building toward the truck, I saw Anna’s daughter Shiloh and Cory’s brother Casey just chilling outside. I stopped and chatted for a bit, not too long, but a bit. They said they weren’t doing anything. I began to walk away, then a thought struck me, so I turned back and invited them to ride with me. We didn’t do anything, we just drove one mile down the street, traded cars, and drove back, but we built friendship. I learned a little bit about them. We got home, I parked the car, they went back to chilling and doing nothing, and I went home. That’s intentional community.
Hard work? Hardly. I didn’t use any extra energy, I didn’t put in any extra hours, all I did was think about what I was going to do, and invite others to join me in it, thereby developing friendship that wouldn’t have happened if I had never knocked on Cory’s door, or never invited Shiloh or Casey to ride with me. Intentional community is accessible to us all. Living missionally is something we all can (and should) do. It may look different for you than I, but all it takes is a little intentional thinking. So I ask, who are you going to invite to share your life this week? It may be asking a neighbor if they want to go to the store with you if they need anything; it may be taking some cookies or beer next door and sharing it with your neighbors as you make conversation and friends, instead of just dropping it and leaving. Whatever it looks like, let’s be intentional about living with a purpose, about reaching those around us – not with wordy reasons why they should repent of their sin, but with love, with friendship, and with generosity!
I’m constantly encouraged by your blog, Michelle and Brian and read when I can on your updates. You two are a brilliant example of how we should be living in community – and i hope when I grow up i’m more like you.
love you guys!
Brian,
You’re right, and it is that simple. Even I, wanting to push back with the defense that for someone like me that it does take a little extra energy (in comparison to more readily outgoing personalities) to develop new relationships, cannot push back. It is that simple. And whatever extra energy is just that, simply a little extra.
And there is fear people feel when they respond in that way to what you’re living, I think in part because of hidden expectations (What are they expecting from this? What am I expecting from this?). It’s funny that within the last fifty year or so even casual encounters/relationships are subject to fear and cast aside. This simple way of living is inviting people back into what once was normal.
Thanks for your example and updates.